My Slightly Documented Path

Hello!  Please bear with me as I forge my way through this new world of blogging.  I was inspired by my sister's beautiful blog (Simply Lou) to start one of my own years ago, then didn't.  I've found in my adult life it takes me a long while, if ever, to put words down on paper like a diary; though I have plenty of words to share.  So here goes.  A journey down my lane...a big thanks for your interest.

Disclaimer numero uno (there will be many I am sure of it): I am a big bag of hormones at this moment.  As my people know, I am pregnant, 10-days-away-from-the-big-day-pregnant, so go ahead and let that sink in and we'll move forward momentarily...

It's 3:45 am PST and I'm up.  This is a usual occurrence for me now - lately I could delay this awakening til about 6 am, but this morning there was excitement surging through my blood - I got a new lap top.  OK, maybe not the smartest move right before baby, but it was forced upon me when my old laptop went kaput.  The exciting new Macbook coupled with a very strange dream (I won't scare you with those details) has me up, typing away with the intention of possibly getting hold of my emotions (doubt it) and using my writing skills I was always told I was good at to possibly provide some comedic relief to you.  Provide. Comedic. Relief.  Right.  The next paragraph is going to start at the beginning where I am crying in the doctor's office.  Funny, I'm already failing at one of my goals.

Let's go back.  I'll try and make this pregnancy history as short as possible.  February 15th, 2013 - Cole and I are told we have successfully started the reproduction process together.  Unexpected.  Scared.  Severely concerned (that's putting it lightly).  And somewhat delighted.  I was in the middle of my nursing school semester and he was at the tail end of his first year of teaching.  Marriage, babies, future talk stuff - was all going to be in the future.  You know, that time ahead that you can surely envision together, but not really grasp at this moment.  Not because I wasn't in love, or didn't already come to the realization this was that man - enter cliche here - that I was going to spend the rest of my lovely life with, but because we had some serious stuff to do - like rock out to education and new careers.  So we're doing it backwards.  We are not traditionalists in the sense where everything must be on a societal-influenced trajectory.  Quite honestly, I'm proud of that.

So here I am 9 months later, up in the middle of the night, subscribing to a blog that I'm actually going to attempt to be the author of, and trying to detail bits and parts of a life that I'm humbled you would even want to read about.  So, again, thank you.

My feelings at the moment (they change quickly - blame hormones - always blame hormones) are HOLY CRAP I'm having a baby.  That expression contains all of my feelings bundled together - excitement, a touch of fear (though I know Cole and I will be great at parenthood - I'm talking about the fear of a sleep-deprived state of mind), loss (my relationship as I know it with Cole will change significantly - admittedly, I mourn this fact), and desire.  Ah.  Desire.  Get this baby out of me.  Is this baby that's overwhelmed my womb with kicks and jabs since we first felt it in May, a boy or girl?  What do you look like?  Who will you be like?  Will you be as sweet, beautiful, and observant as Emma?  As extroverted, playful, and talkative as Charlie?  As curious and adorable as Brooks?  Eviction notice: 10/21/13.  I am ready.

Disclaimer numero dos: I'd never be able to do this on my own.  I am lucky to the point that I thank the universe daily (that's a lie - but very often I thank it) for my fiancé, Cole.  He is a grounding force in my life.  The amount of support he gives freely to me is breathtaking.

Alright!  I'll end on that high note before I start tearing up and turning this attempt at comedic relief into a sob story.  I promise - there is plenty of time for that.  It's likely right around the corner.  Til next time, friends!